Anne Stott

Dr. Darcy on your girlfriend's ex-husband...

Ask a Mental Health Professional
There was an omission in last month's column for which I deeply apologize. The answer to Question 2 was missing a paragraph, the absence of which failed to address two important remarks that were stated in the question. This oversight may have unintentionally implied my support for the writer's offensive analogies. In the interest of conserving space, I cannot fully address this except to state that the missing paragraph expressed my feelings regarding the writer's reference to pedophilia, her negative comments on androgyny and my concern regarding her overall discomfort as a lesbian which I believe resulted in her internalized homophobia.
 
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Dear Dr. Darcy:

I just learned that my live-in girlfriend is separated from a husband that I didn’t know she had. She never mentioned this man and given the fact that this hasn't affected our relationship, I'm inclined to let bygones be bygones. She's with me now, he doesn't have her and she says that they’re very close to being divorced. My friends, however, seem to have a huge issue with this.



What hyper-sensitive friends you have... Are you kidding me? In any case, you're clearly kidding yourself. Do you realize that you couldn't bring yourself to reference your girlfriend as married? She is, in fact, married and if you think it hasn't affected your relationship, you're deluding yourself. This woman lied to you in perhaps the most deceptive of ways throughout your entire relationship. I can't help but wonder what else she's lied about. No one deserves this sort of abuse. Your friends apparently hold you in higher regard than you hold yourself. I think you need to find yourself a good couple's therapist or hit the road, sans married girlfriend. And opting for the latter of the two options does not bypass your need of therapy…

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*By submitting questions, the writer acknowledges that she has no rights of confidentiality and that her question or a version thereof may be printed in GO Magazine. Correspondence between Dr. Darcy Smith and a writer does not constitute a therapeutic relationship and such a relationship and the rights/privileges associated with such can only be established through a scheduled, in-person session.
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