Precious Python of the Month

NAME: Kevin

MOMMY: Quinn

AGE: 9

SEX: Probably male, but he doesn’t like labels

ETHNICITY: Ball python

BIRTHPLACE: Some mall in Pennsylvania

RESIDENCE: Brooklyn, NY

OCCUPATION: Sleeping without eyelids

FAVORITE TOYS: Sticks, rocks

FAVORITE LEISURE ACTIVITY: Scaring cat people

FAVORITE FOODS: You don’t want to know

PET PEEVE: Bad grammar, cold weather

LEAST FAVORITE PHRASE: “Kev-un!” (Home Alone style)