Dear Dr. Darcy:
About five months ago I went on a date with a woman I met online. Now she wants to meet my family over the holidays and they want to meet her. But there’s the problem. I grew up in Europe for the first ten years of my life and my lineage is from the U.K. I began our first date speaking with a British accent, and I don’t actually have one. I haven’t since one year after we moved to here. But the thing is, I know women go crazy for a British accent and, well, I’ve been speaking to her in one ever since and it’s created a lot of problems for me. And it’s the reason why she hasn’t met my family yet. I don’t know what to do about this. I’m at a loss.
Oh. My. God. After reading this, I was so dumbfounded that I turned to my wife, forwarded her this question and asked, “Is there any way for her to get out of this unscathed?”
And it turns out, there isn’t. This was a major oops and it will likely call into question everything you’ve ever told her about yourself, rendering her suspicious, distrustful and very hurt. But there’s only one way out—and it’s by coming clean.
You’re going to find this hard to believe, but I actually understand why you did it. Women do go nuts for a U.K. accent and it absolutely bumps you up on the attraction meter if you legitimately have one. You don’t, however, and I suggest you use humor and self-deprecation when you tell her the truth, which hopefully will lighten the blow. Explain to her that you so badly wanted to impress her that you would have walked through fire if you thought it would cause her to like you.
Ultimately, you’re going to have to be willing to spend some time in the doghouse. She won’t get over this quickly. And let me encourage you to fully disclose any other misrepresentations you may have made. The question is, will you tell her in an American accent or in a U.K. one?
Dr. Darcy Smith is a Licensed Clinical Social Worker. Her practice, Alternatives Counseling, specializes in LGBT issues and is located in New York City. Dr. Darcy’s clinical style is very direct, goal-oriented and pragmatic. For years, the media has been drawn to her unique personality. She has provided expert commentary for networks including E! Entertainment and has worked with television producers throughout the nation. Her blog, AskDrDarcy.com, provides free advice to members of the LGBT community. Email questions to firstname.lastname@example.org or call 212-604-0144.
*This column is not a consultation with a mental health professional
and should in no way be construed as such or as a substitute for such
consultation. Anyone with issues or concerns should seek the advice of her own therapist or counselor.