Single in the City: 7 Valentine’s Day Gifts for the Single Girl
by Esther Zinn
February 13, 2012
Here at GO, it’s been a long held tradition to feature a witty, helpful Valentine’s Day gift guide for all loving lesbian couples to enjoy in the February issue. Well, I think it’s high time for a Valentine’s Day gift guide just for the singles! Don’t let this dreaded “holiday” break your heart. Here are seven gifts and fun activities to ease the pain on February 14th, so treat yourself!

Love is Over (at least it is on the Xbox360 or PS3)

In “Catherine: Love is Over” by Atlus, you play as a 32-year-old protagonist torn between marrying his loving, yet naggy girlfriend of five years (named Katherine), or kindling an affair with a gorgeous and busty mistress (named Catherine.) Players (in every sense of the term) spend about half of the game hanging out in a bar asking people for relationship advice and can choose to answer the phone when their girlfriend calls to check in, ignore her while getting drunk and sexting the other woman, or lie about their whereabouts to both at the same time. Players can even avoid both girls and decide to play it solo for a total of 8 possible endings to the melodrama. Either way, Catherine is well-written and offers the full experience of a bad lesbian relationship with the added convenience of not having to get up off of your couch or actually hurt anybody’s feelings in real life. As a bonus, those who purchase the deluxe version of the game (aptly titled “Love is Over”) receive it packaged just for bachelors in a pizza box with a pair of boxers. http://catherinethegame.com/

Bois Don’t Cry

They say bois don’t cry, but you might after taking a boot camp class run by two Marine soldiers at Warrior Fitness. $60 lands you three trial classes so extreme that running up and down forty flights of stairs with twenty-pound weights on (all before climbing over five walls) is standard. Warrior Fitness classes are also chock full of really attractive, athletic women, thanks to their position as fitness advisors for Lady Footlocker. You could even meet your next ex-girlfriend doing squats here! Don’t ask, don’t tell. http://www.warriorfitnessbootcamp.com/

Tears of Joy

This just in: recently published by Quirk Books, The Onion’s “Love, Sex, And Other Natural Disasters” brings you the finest in up-to-date relationship reporting. With headlines such as “Thousands of High-School Sweethearts Prepare for Post-Graduation Breakup” and “Couple Forgets 70th Wedding Anniversary,” everybody’s favorite fictitious newspaper will have you crying tears (of laughter) in no time! www.quirkbooks.com

The Gift that Keeps on Giving

Feeling bitter about your ex? Nothing says, “It’s over” like sending her a heart-shaped box of cuddly-looking plush STDs by ThinkGeek. And it’s way more adorable than the alternative. http://www.thinkgeek.com/

1+1 = Way Too Expensive

Here’s a well-known secret amongst New Yorkers in the know: going to the discount TKTS booth to buy unclaimed tickets about an hour before any show’s time on Broadway will usually net you a ticket at 60% off or more. This means that couples who want to sit together usually have to pay over $150 per each ticket the traditional way to land in Row X, while singles generally only have to pay about $60 to get front row seats! Use this to your advantage and take in a show. Might I suggest the Spider-Man musical on Broadway for optimal laughs? http://www.tdf.org/

Ride off into the sunset, sans horse

What single girl doesn’t love a little schadenfreude? If you’re still not satiated after checking out a Broadway show, consider taking one of the human powered pedi-cabs in Times Square for long, scenic, horse-cruelty-free ride through Central Park. Hey, it’s Valentine’s Day. You shouldn’t be the only one suffering!

What’s Love Got to Do, Got to Do With it?

Alright, so you don’t have a Private Dancer. Burn a CD of your favorite heartbreak songs, show some R-E-S-P-E-C-T and head on over to Sabrina Haley’s “Mix Tape Tuesday” at 438 Hudson Street, where she’ll play your own old school custom-made playslist (as long as it’s before 7pm.) PS: “You Oughta Know” that a little Alanis Morissette goes great with Sabrina’s key lime pie martinis.

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